It's always interesting to start out something new, I have typed and erased several paragraphs already to make a "first post" because nothing sounds quite right. Isn't that the way it always is with beginnings? Something new, fresh and unspoiled. We get excited, maybe a little nervous, but the main desire is always don't screw it up!! I've been all too familiar with this emotion this year. I've seen a few things leave my life, and some of which I was glad to let go of. This year has been full of changes for me and it feels like an older part of me is passing on and a newer me is emerging. Allow me to explain...for the first time in three years I have not been employed nor have I been in school. At first, this scared the hell out of me. When you cling so tightly to making money and having half of your year consumed with homework and tests, this can be a shock to the system. However I have learned so much this summer, about myself and my faith that I would not change it for the world. My faith in God has taken on a deeper level, my knowledge of myself and who I really am has grown. Sometimes I believe we have to have things stripped away, all the distractions and the cares we have in order to focus our attention on things more important. For me this attention was focused inward and upward.
Of course I'm looking for a job, one can only go so long without money. And I do plan on returning to school when the time is right. But even though on the outside in, everything looks to be a great mess, I have never been happier. For once, I am truly finding out what I want in life, not what anyone else wants me to do. I'm learning to trust in the Higher Power when I get swept up in the stress of daily living. And in spite of all that I've been through and having my heart broken more times than I care to remember, I'm learning to let myself love without fear and without holding back again. For once I don't feel the pressure to not screw up. It's amazing how freeing life is when you start learning to let go of the fear of displeasing everyone and start focusing on what make you happy in life. Sure, you're going to piss some people off, but that's ok. What matters is that you are happy.
